First up were Ryan and Ricky with a “sexy” jazz dance by Mandy Moore. Both dancers were clad in ugly bondage-inspired gear, with Ryan sporting a ponytail mullet to boot. The choreography was a bit over-the-top, but I confess I was distracted from the actual dancing by Ryan’s Joker grin, so much so that I totally missed her wardrobe malfunction. She had absolutely no connection to Ricky throughout the dance, grinning away and hungrily searching her line of sight for the camera. I hope and pray they’re in the bottom three tonight, but the judges seem to have a Lauren Alaina-eqsue crush on Ryan, so I fear she’ll live to smile another day.

My favorite dance of the night was a contemporary piece danced by Caitlynn and Mitchell. There was so much to love about this dance; from the song (Adele’s “Turning Tables”) to the perfectly staged chairs and lamps. Caitlynn, looking lovely in a floral dress, was all lines and extensions, while Mitchell had a lot of strength in his dancing. He maybe had a bit too much strength, as he clonked Caitlynn in the nose, prompting what may be the first live bloody nose on primetime television.

Poor Missy and Wadi missed all the marks in their Jean-Marc Genereux-choreographed cha-cha-cha. This dance is all about hip action, which neither Missy nor Wadi showed much of. I didn’t even bother watching Wadi dance because he so clearly had no idea what he was doing. The judges praised Missy, but I thought her moves were lacking, too. She was wearing a dress with fringe, which should have been moving all about if her hips were moving correctly. They weren’t. I’m sure they’ll be in the bottom three.

Nick and Iveta danced a Bollywood routine by Nakul Dev Mahajan, which was passable, but it was far from the best routine in this style in SYTYCD history. That honor belongs to season four’s Katee and Joshua. Both Nick and Iveta kept up with the speed of the dance, but it lacked the crispness and precision that Bollywood requires. It just wasn’t very memorable.

Tabitha and Napoleon have returned to torture us with their mostly mediocre hip-hop, this time creating a woodpecker-themed routine for Miranda and Robert. A woodpecker routine? Seriously? I’d like to know what kind of shrooms NappyTabs are smoking, because that is the most bizarre theme they’ve come up with. I thought Miranda hit the moves harder than Robert, which is a bit surprising considering this is his style. Again, not a terrible piece, but not very memorable, either.

I confess: I fast-forwarded my DVR through most of Clarice and Jess’ contemporary routine, choreographed by Stacey Tookey. The choreography was boring, with Jess visibly struggling with some of the lifts. This affected Clarice’s dancing too, as she appeared hesitant to enter some of the lifts for fear of falling. Even though I haven’t been impressed by either of their dances together, Clarice and Jess’ solos were phenomenal last week. I’m in the minority amongst SYTYCD fans, but I find Jess incredibly talented and a joy to watch. I’ll be devastated if he’s eliminated tonight.

The night’s second foray into ballroom was much more palatable. Jean-Marc’s Viennese waltz for Tadd and Jordan was fluid and pretty. It was nice to see Jordan play a role that wasn’t sex kitten for once. Tadd continues to impress me, because there is no way a breakdancer should be that natural at a waltz.

My second favorite routine of the night was Marko and Melanie’s jazz, courtesy of Mandy Moore. It was funky yet classic, and the two brought a lot of energy and charisma to the dance. I mostly had eyes for Melanie, though; that girl has a magnetic presence when she’s dancing. She makes everything look so effortless, too.

Napoleon and Tabitha’s second routine was allegedly wonderful, moving, emotional, etc. Alexander and Sasha played a soldier coming home from war and his waiting girlfriend, which is basically like a sequel to Nappytabs’ season four “No Air” routine with Katee and Joshua. I’m usually the first one to start tearing up/getting goosebumps/generally being affected by dances, but this one left me cold. Alexander was so stiff and so unnatural that it was more like a one woman show. I don’t know what I’m missing, but I won’t be adding this to the Nappytabs hall of fame.

I would like to thank Spencer Liff for doing a proper and entertaining Broadway routine; Tyce DiOrio needs to take note. Chris and Ashley were tasked to play a jailed man and his visiting sweetie, complete with prison bars. Nine times out of 10, I’m against props in dancing (see: Mia Michaels’ overrated “Mercy” dance with the doors from season four), but the bars were visually interesting and allowed Chris to do some crazy acrobatic stuff. This dance had all of the sexy that Ricky and Ryan lacked. I’m not feeling a lot of chemistry from Ashley and Chris as a couple, but I hope this routine pushes them in the right direction.

My picks for bottom three couples are: Ricky and Ryan, Missy and Wadi, and Clarice and Jess. Out of those six dancers, I’d really only like to see Ryan go home. Can you tell I don’t like her? Check back tomorrow for an update on the results show.

Praise Jesus, the performance round of So You Think You Can Dance has started. Unlike its bigger, bolder cousin American Idol, SYTYCD zips through the audition/Vegas rounds and gets right to the meat of the competition. Nigel “If I’m being frank” Lythgoe is on the judging panel, as usual, but I’m so delighted to have Mary Murphy and her ear-splitting screeches back. I’ll take the Hot Tamale Train over Mia Michaels’ nonsensical hippie musings any day. Filling in the rotating third spot this week is Megan Mullally, a former ballerina and Broadway veteran. I’m pleased to see she’s moving on from her I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Commercials. Megan, you were Karen Walker and you’re married to Ron Swanson, for chrissakes. You’re so much better than “Turn the Tub Around.”

The couple with the honor of performing the first dance of the season is Jordan and Tadd, dancing an Afro-jazz piece by Sean Cheesman. The dance is fast-paced and a bit frantic, which led to them falling out of sync a few times. A routine like this requires a lot of strength and control, something both dancers need to work on. Tadd was impressive; I think he’s one to watch among the guys. As for Jordan, I’ve yet to see her do anything to really wow me, other than the sheer stupidity of her wanting to be a Pussycat Doll.

Sasha and Alexander were next, with a contemporary piece from SYTYCD golden child Travis Wall. The choreography was just so-so; nothing like past dances of his that still give me goose bumps. Sasha was very light yet powerful in her dancing. It’s too early for me to form an opinion on the heretofore unseen Alexander, but I think he’ll be safe for a while, considering his partner was heavily featured in the Vegas rounds and is allegedly a frontrunner.

Clarice and Jess were saddled with a boring Tyce DiOrio Broadway number. Watching this dance felt like it was going backwards and in slow motion. Nothing seemed to happen. Jess, being in his comfort zone, was impossible to look away from. His technique appears flawless; I’ve never seen such crisp, precise pirouettes. Clarice was trying so hard to keep up with him, but the cheesy smile she plastered on her face didn’t help.

New choreographer Christopher Scott choreographed a lyrical hip-hop number for Ryan and Ricky. I need to be up front and admit I do not like Ryan. She’s a great dancer, no doubt, but her personality and stage presence reeks of entitlement. Just because you almost made it last season and you’re Mia Michaels’ assistant doesn’t mean you get a free pass in this competition, blondie. The choreography was great, and while both dancers performed it well, it was hard not to be distracted by the gigantic smile plastered on Ryan’s face throughout the routine. When the judges questioned her on why a perma-smile was necessary for a dance about lost love and longing, she spewed some nonsense about remembering happy moments. It was ridiculous and a bit defensive, to which I say she needs to learn to stand there and take whatever the judges say to her.

Caitlynn and Mitchell were supposed to dance a jazz choreographed by Sonya Tayeh, but poor Mitchell hurt his elbow in rehearsal and had to sit out. Not a good thing for the first week of performances, when the audience is still trying to learn who’s who. Season seven’s Robert filled in for the injured dancer, which I feared could take the spotlight away from Caitlynn, but she held her own. To be honest, I haven’t been crazy about a Sonya routine since Mark and Courtney’s dance to “The Garden” in season four, but this dance strayed a bit from her typical style, which was nice. My heart broke a little seeing Mitchell crying in the audience after the performance.

The first ballroom routine of the season belonged to Miranda and Robert, aka “Woo Guy,” courtesy of Jason Gilikson. Their jive, set to a Bruno Mars song I happen to love, appeared great on first glance, but the high energy of the routine hid the technical missteps. Robert’s feet weren’t pointed and Miranda’s posture was a bit too hunched. Personality-wise, Miranda needs to come out more and Robert needs to reel it in. Nigel was right in telling him to tone down the “woos,” which are already getting old. They could be making an appearance in the bottom three tonight.

Sean Cheeseman’s second routine was a jazz danced by Missy and Wadi. The Pandora’s box theme was a bit of a stretch, but the end of the dance was cool, watching Wadi do his free running/parkour on the prop box. I don’t recall much about Missy’s dancing, other than her waist-length hair is quite distracting. She needs to cut it or contain it.

My favorite dance of the night was easily Melanie and Marko’s contemporary piece, choreographed by Travis Wall. The dance’s story, of two marble statues falling in love, made me roll my eyes, but Travis’ choreography, combined with the two dancers’ talents, was wonderful to watch. Melanie is a superb dancer, with gorgeous lines and great strength. Marko was good too, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Melanie. This is going to be a great partnership.

I need to interrupt myself to beg Nigel to stop calling the female dancers ‘beasts.’ I’m sure he thinks it’s edgy and flattering, but it’s just stupid and kind of offensive. Yes, the female dancers are a talented group, but find another term to use to compliment them. All right, I’m stepping off my feminist soapbox now. Carry on.

Ashley and Chris danced the weakest dance of the night, a hip-hop choreographed by Christopher Scott. It was fun and cute, but having this dance follow Melanie and Marko is like eating a fillet and having a Slim Jim for dessert. Neither Ashley nor Chris was particularly great, which I think means they’ll be in the bottom three.

The final dance of the night was the “dreaded” quickstep. Every single dancer who has ever performed the quickstep in SYTYCD history has been eliminated. Tapper Nick and world quickstep champion Iveta may have changed that trend. Jason Gilikson’s choreography was dynamic and fun, two words I never thought I would use to describe the quickstep. The odd couple, paired most likely because Nick is tall enough to properly partner Iveta, danced well together. Despite never having danced ballroom before, Nick’s tap training had to help, as both dance styles have fast footwork. While I enjoyed this routine, I’ll resist judgment on this couple until I see Iveta attempt another style of dance.

I don’t feel confident predicting who’s going home tonight, because there were so many dancers that America basically saw for the first time last night. It should be an interesting results show.

RESULTS SHOW UPDATE: After witnessing five wonderful solos and two so-so solos (I’m looking at you, Jordan and Robert,) the judges decided not to send anyone home, giving America the chance to see the top 20 dance again next week before eliminating anyone. A lot of people were upset by this decision, but I think it’s wise. I’m still at the point where I can’t put names to all of the 20 faces, so this works in favor of both the dancers and the voting audience. Four dancers will go next week, but I think after two performance shows, it will be a bit more obvious who was suffering from nerves/weak choreography and who just needs to go home.

8:02 – When I think that more people vote for American Idol than the presidential election, a little part of me dies.

8:03 – Something that’s plagued me all season: is ‘Alaina’ actually her last name, or is it a middle-name-as-last-name sort of deal? Boggles the mind.

8:05 – Jacob Lusk is loving this Lady Gaga choreography.

8:07 – This isn’t a knock on Lauren’s weight, but she appears to be wearing an outfit from the Fat Elvis collection.

8:08 – Commercial Break Twitter Update (CBTU) “@realityblurred: Um, Lauren’s hometown Idol finale party had tons of empty seats. The camera couldn’t even conceal that.”

8:11 – The fact that both Judas Priest and Iggy Pop have appeared on Idol this season does not bode well for the future of the music industry.

8:15 – No, Ryan, do not go to Randy for any soundbites/reactions tonight. Please.

8:16 – It has occurred to me that I’d enjoy kickin’ it with the Dawg, but in the context of Idol, I’d like to sew his mouth shut.

8:18 – I would rather listen to seven hours of Randy saying, “You’re in it to win it!”than a three-minute Jacob Lusk performance.

8:21 – CBTU “@votefortheworst: Jacob Lusk needs time to queen out by himself. Eliminate Kirk Franklin and Gladys Knight and let Jacob go to town on his own.”

8:26 – I shouldn’t be enjoying this Casey Abrams/Jack Black performance as much as I am.

8:30 – I forgot most of these girls even existed.

8:33 – The top six girls are dressed like strippers at a post-apocalyptic strip club.

8:36 – CBTU “@mattmitovich: True story: Jack Black thinks he’s dueting with Will Ferrell.”

8:40 – Steven Tyler…everyone’s favorite crazy uncle.

8:42 – LOVE Haley’s dress. I wish she was singing with someone a little more current than Tony Bennett, but she sounds wonderful, as usual.

8:46 – J. Lo’s hair, flesh and jumpsuit are all the same color. It’s unsettling.

8:48 – Seriously, who dresses these girls? I can’t even find the words to describe how atrocious their TLC performance ensembles are…

8:50 – I appreciate the sentiment, but “Live Like You Were Dying” is my least favorite Tim McGraw song. Of course he’s singing it with Scotty.

8:55 – CBTU “@rilaws: It’s so weird that Tim McGraw is being styled by George Michael these days.”

8:58 – I can’t wait for this Idol nonsense to be over so we can get to the goodness that is So You Think You Can Dance.

9:02 – Sorry, Mr. J. Lo, but this performance reminds me of the “Island Fantasy Spectacular” put on by my resort on Spring Break.

9:06 - Oh Stefano, don’t ever sing in falsetto again.

9:08 – I think I can safely say this season’s top 13 is the most adept at choreography. Yes, this is something I thought about and analyzed. Help me.

9:11 – This medley is painful. These six voices do not mesh well together.

9:12 – The girls got to sing with Beyonce and the boys get…Tom Jones. Naturally.

9:14 – CBTU “@EWMandiBierly: I wish they’d made the Top 13 girls be Marc Anthony’s feather girls.”

9:23 – This show needed a heavy dose of Gaga’s insanity. Love her.

9:25 – I love playing “Spot Mark Kanemura” during Lady Gaga’s performances. He’s one of my favorite SYTYCD alums.

9:27 – CBTU “@adambvary: Ummm. Is Scotty a little hot for teacher?”

9:31 – Loving that Carrie Underwood is wiping the floor with Lauren. Bow down, bitches.

9:33 – Again, this isn’t a knock on Lauren’s weight, but I couldn’t help but notice that her butt is about three times the size of Carrie’s. I wish I had a screencap so I could marvel at the difference.

9:36 – Beyonce’s back. Snooze.

9:40 – CBTU “@EWAnnieBarrett: Carrie Underwood’s “sun”-kissed legs are the skinniest hot dogs I’ve ever seen.”

9:44 – I will never tire of the commercial where the guy is doing a one-man flash mob in Grand Central.

9:46 - This unknown dude onstage with Bono and the Edge looks like a mix of Ethan Hawke, James Franco and Kris Allen.

9:50 – CBTU “@EWAnnieBarrett: Sorry Bono and the Edge aren’t home right now they’re walking into spiderwebs so leave a message and they’ll call you back.” (Follow her. She’s hilarious.)

9:54 – Uncle Steven woke up from his season-long nap to perform, everyone!

9:57 – CBTU “@MichaelSlezakTV: I am going to have to ‘rise above’ the show’s failure to give a couple of my fave finalists a solo performance slot. #HijackedBySpidey”

10:02 – Okay, folks, here we go…the 2011 American Idol is…SCOTTY MCCREERY!

10:03 – Congrats to Scotty, but ugh, that means we have to hear his stupid “Love You This Big” song ad nauseum.

10:05 – “@rilaws: Time to sing the baby song for babies. Baby gets a bottle after sing-song is over.”

An underwhelming ending to an underwhelming season. I’m ready to move on to bigger and better things…SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE starts tomorrow night : )

8:00 – Kicking things off with a tribute to the one and only Aretha Franklin.

8:03 – Quite a wide variety of ladies singing this tribute. Christina Aguilera needs to tone down the clown hooker makeup.

8:06 – Martina McBride never seems to age. She is gorgeous.

8:07 – LOVE Florence Welch. If her band doesn’t win Best New Artist tonight, there is serious injustice in this world.

8:08 – The longer I look at Christina, the more I’m convinced her and Snooki are the same person.

8:11 – Hell yes to “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves.” I love this song. (A special shout-out to my sistahs!)

8:14 – Lovely message from Aretha. She looks quite healthy.

8:17 – Damn, I missed Christina trip at the end of the tribute. Poor girl; this is just not her month.

8:20 – Best Pop Performance By a Duo or Group goes to…Train for “Hey Soul Sister.” I hate that song, but you can’t deny the fact that it revived their career and took over the radio last year.

8:22 – Oh dear lord, Ricky Martin, why are you wearing silver pants?

8:23 – Pod person Lady Gaga has arrived in a relatively tame outfit, too.

8:25 - The pointy shoulders are creeping me out. A lot.

8:26 – Of course she’s playing an organ with dismembered heads on it.

8:28 – Say what you will about Gaga, but she has a legit voice. No need for AutoTune or lip-syncing during her performances.

8:33 – Blake Shelton is introducing his fiancee. Precious.

8:34 – Noooo, Miranda! Not this song! I love it, but I can’t listen to it without crying.

8:38 – Happy to say I made it through that song with dry eyes. It helps to have developed a two-sizes-too-small Grinch heart.

8:40 – Muse is awesome. I have never encountered a song of theirs that I didn’t like.

8:43 – I wonder how Kate Hudson feels about the fact that the father of her unborn child just appeared on national television in a sparkly suit…

8:45 – My mom, on Bob Dylan: “Is he dead yet?”

8:49 – Major props to whoever organized the trio of Bruno Mars, B.o.B. and Janelle Monae.

8:52 – I’m in love with Bruno Mars’ voice. And his freakishly perfect teeth.

8:56 – I’m going to prematurely call this performance of the night. It’s going to take a lot to top these three.

8:58 – Finally…another award. (Not that I’m complaining. I love that the Grammys are so performance-heavy.)

9:00 – Best Female Country Vocal goes to Miranda Lambert, shocking absolutely no one. This song absolutely deserves to win a ton of Grammys.

9:05 – Oh no. I feel a Bieber performance coming on…

9:06 – Bieber is talented, but he has such a punchable face. I’m a terrible person for saying that.

9:08 – Seeing Bieber perform makes me feel elderly. It’s been so long since NSync’s heyday…Justin Timberlake just turned 30, for god’s sake.

9:10 – I have a hatred for precocious child stars, but Will Smith’s son Jaden is adorable.

9:11 – “OMG” is, hands-down, my least favorite song of 2010.

9:15 – Best Rock Album goes to…Muse, aka the only band nominated in this category that wasn’t alive in the 60s.

9:20 – “From ‘Blue Bloods’ and New Kids On the Block,” is a great introduction.

9:21 – Best Pop Vocal Album goes to Lady Gaga. Duhhhh. She’s dressed like a lunatic but I love her.

9:25 – This performance is…odd. A banjo, a convulsing keyboard player and a lead singer who looks like Tim Tebow. My brain hurts.

9:27 – Is this the Avett Brothers or Mumford and Sons? Or does it even matter? They’re both equally boring.

9:28 – Everyone on this stage right now looks like they escaped a polygamist cult.

9:30 – People actually pay to listen to Bob Dylan sing? This disturbs me.

9:32 – This performance quickly turned from strange to AWFUL.

9:34 – Thank god that’s over. I need a Top 40 palate cleanser after that hipster/roving band of weirdos explosion.

9:39 – Clay Matthews looks so. uncomfortable.

9:40 – I love Lady Antebellum so much. “American Honey” is a beautiful song.

9:42 – I have a strong feeling “Need You Now” will win one of the major awards tonight. (Song or Record of the year…I can’t keep them straight.)

9:44 – Best Country Album goes to…Lady Antebellum. A deserved win, for sure.

9:46 - Okay, now why is Gwyneth Paltrow singing with Cee-Lo? Just because she sang this song on Glee?

9:48 – Oh. My. God. I love this acid-trip-meets-the-Muppets performance. “It’s like Elton John on crack,” according to my mother.

9:50 – Gwyneth should be ashamed that she let someone talk her into appearing on the Grammys in a unitard.

9:53 – That performance brought the crazy and cuckoo that Gaga was lacking. Loved it. (Minus Gwyneth.)

9:57 – I hope “Not Like the Movies” is Katy Perry’s new single…great track off of “Teenage Dream.”

10:00 – Go ahead and make fun of me, but I love this song. A lot.

10:01 – Oh my god, how cute was Nicole Kidman singing along to “Teenage Dream”? Love it.

10:03 – Liking the sassy bob on Norah Jones. Not liking John Mayer’s homeless look.

10:04 – Song of the Year goes to…”Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum. Totally called it.

10:12 – Thank you, Seth Rogen, for making a ‘Miley Cyrus getting high’ joke.

10:14 – Rihanna looks stunning in this dress.

10:17 – I’m now intimately acquainted with the veins in Eminem’s face. He’s a bit intense, isn’t he?

10:19 - I just had to google Skylar Grey to see what she looks like, since they seem averse to showing her face on TV.

10:21 – Best New Artist goes to…Esperanza Spalding. Who the F is she? I mean, I kept chanting, “Anyone but Bieber,” but I was hoping for a Florence + the Machine win. Congratulations, whoever you are!

10:30 – It’s kind of cool that a jazz musician won Best New Artist.

10:35 – I find it very hard to believe that this is Sir Mick’s first Grammy performance. He’s such an old kook, but so talented.

10:37 – Stars: They’re just like us! They rock out! (I’m looking at you, Nicole Kidman. You’re too cute.)

10:40 – If the rest of the telecast was just Mick Jagger performing, I would be perfectly okay with that.

10:47 – The extensions on Barbara Streisand’s head are atrocious. Sorry, Babs.

10:50 – Nicki Minaj is loco, but I love her.

10:51 – Best Rap Album goes to…Eminem.

10:59 – This is one of my favorite Rihanna songs, made even better by Drizzy Drake.

11:02 – Oh look, it’s my new favorite American Idol judge and her creepy, possibly undead husband!

11:04 – Record of the Year goes to…”Need You Now.” Wow, both Record and Song of the Year. Crazy.

11:11 – Jason Segal, I love you.

11:12 - Arcade Fire needs to lay off the strobe lights a bit. Do not like.

11:15 – I hate this. Make it stop.

11:22 – FINALLY. Album of the Year goes to…Arcade Fire. Say whaaat? That’s ridic. Should have gone to Gaga.

That’s a wrap, kids. A giant THANK YOU to everyone who popped in to read what I had to say…as of 11:25 tonight, my blog has 691 page views. I can’t even wrap my head around that.

7:53 – I’ve got my one-woman media center ready to go: Chapstick, Blackberry and Snuggie. It’s so high-tech in here I can’t stand it.

8:00 – Not even a minute in and Ricky Gervais already has a drink nearby.

8:02 – I may be in the minority here, but I don’t find Mr. Gervais very funny. Oh, and we just had “Christ” bleeped out.

8:04 – Okay, but he just won me over a little with the Walking Dead/Hugh Hefner joke.

8:06 – Christian Bale wins Best Supporting Actor – Motion Picture for The Fighter.

8:09 – Julie Bowen. Love her.

8:10 – Katey Segal wins Best Actress in a TV Series – Drama for Sons of Anarchy.

8:12 – Whoever makes up the seating chart/sets up the tables has a cruel sense of humor.

8:16 – Julianne Moore appears to have lost one sleeve in a tragic limo door accident.

8:17 – I don’t know a single person who watches any of these TV mini-series or movies.

8:21 – The “shut up and get off the stage” music is so passive-aggressive.

8:22 – I think Bruce Willis was a bit taken aback by Ricky Gervais’ “Ashton Kutcher’s dad” joke.

8:24 – Literally screaming out loud that Chris Colfer just won a Golden Globe. Talk about well deserved. (He won Best Supporting Actor – TV Series, Mini-Series, Movie.)

8:25 – Perfect speech, Chris. Love him.

8:29 – Something else I just screamed about: the return of Parks and Recreation this week.

8:31 – The fact that Alice in Wonderland was nominated proves that 2010 was not a great year for movies.

8:32 – Oh snap…the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is sassy.

8:33 – Um, Milla, the Miss America pageant was last night.

8:34 – Steve Buscemi wins Best Actor – TV Series – Drama for Boardwalk Empire. Not surprising, but I was hoping for a win for my favorite serial killer, Michael C. Hall.

8:37 – Boardwalk Empire wins Best TV Series – Drama. Again, nothing surprising, but I think a lot of people would agree that the quality of television has far surpassed that of movies. The five shows nominated for this category have more quality in ten minutes than most movies do in over an hour.

8:39 – Seeing Angelina fixing Brad’s tie was an oddly intimate moment from America’s most scrutinized couple.

8:43 – My mother is apparently keeping a tally of how many British people appear on tonight’s telecast. (We’re up to three.)

8:44 – As a member of the Facebook generation, I’m a bit embarrassed that I haven’t seen The Social Network yet.

8:45 – “Alec from the Rock and Jenny from the Block.” Genius.

8:47 – Two songs nominated from Burlesque? Yikes. One’s a winner, too.

8:48 – Confession: I instantly hate people who have their acceptance speeches pre-written.

8:50 – Trent Reznor has just won a Golden Globe. The apocalypse is nigh.

8:55 – The fact that Justin Bieber is at the Golden Globes makes me want to vomit.

8:57 – Toy Story 3 wins Best Motion Picture – Animated. This is another movie I’m ashamed that I haven’t seen.

8:59 – I really don’t know whether to laugh or cringe at Gervais’ rehab and jail jokes at Robert Downey Jr.’s expense.

9:01 – I’m officially starting the campaign to have RDJ host the Globes next year.

9:02 – Annette Bening predictably wins Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy-Musical for The Kids Are All Right. I knew it was a long shot, but I was hoping for an Emma Stone win. She was superb in Easy A.

9:06 - Don’t look know, but a rabid animal has taken up residence on Al Pacino’s head.

9:11 – If someone told me Tilda Swinton came from another planet, I would believe them.

9:12 – Pacino: hair plugs or just bad hair? I’m quite curious.

9:13 – Uncle Jesse is at the Golden Globes! I see you peering around Lea Michele, John Stamos.

9:16 – Holy hell, I hope Claire Danes’ award has a sleeve of Saltines inside it. Eat something, girl!

9:23 – Zac Efron’s military-style haircut: do not like.

9:24 – Please pardon me while I worship at the altar of Tina Fey.

9:26 – Carell and Fey…a match made in comedic heaven.

9:28 – “Smart girls have more fun.” Hell yes, they do.

9:29 – Another Glee win, this time for Sue Sylvester herself. Jane Lynch is awesome.

9:36 – Oh, Olivia Wilde…why must you ruin a gorgeous Marchesa dress with such awful hair?

9:37 – The lady who just won for Best Foreign Film flashed her Spanx as she was walking up the stairs. Whoops…

9:40 – Kind of thankful that Laura Linney isn’t here to accept her award, because that’s one less speech we have to sit through.

9:47 – I loved Burlesque, but it was by no means Golden Globe-worthy.

9:48 – It appears that the Big Bang Theory cast was seated in a dark corner. Congratulations to Jim Parsons on his win.

9:50 – Best Supporting Actress goes to…Melissa Leo for The Fighter. Boo, I wanted a Mila Kunis win.

9:50 – Don’t tell anyone, but…I’m kind of bored. I’m in a mid-show slump.

9:58 – Matt Damon is like a fine wine…better with age.

10:00 – Call me uncultured, but I can only think of Robert DeNiro saying, “Double dose,” in the Little Fockers trailer.

10:03 – Was I hallucinating, or did they really include The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle in DeNiro’s best-of montage?

10:07 – Someone get Mr. DeNiro some glasses so he can read the teleprompter.

10:14 – All of these wins for The Social Network make me want to see it ASAP.

10:16 – Dear David Fincher, jokes aren’t that funny when you’re reading them from something you typed in a Microsoft Word document last week.

10:18 – Best Comedy goes to…Glee.  I love this show, but I really wanted to see Modern Family win.

10:24 – I’ve never even heard of the movie Paul Giamatti just won for, but he’s a great actor.

10:27 – Lots of censoring going on tonight. Someone’s busy in the NBC control room.

10:29 – Emma Stone and Mila Kunis would be great in a well-written buddy comedy. Screenwriters of the world, get on this.

10:34 – Natalie Portman totally deserves this win for Black Swan. No one could play ballerina-gone-psycho better than her.

10:37 – Darren Aronofsky’s mustache is ridiculous. It looks like he pasted it on in the limo on the way over.

10:39 – Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical is The Kids Are All Right. A real shocker, considering its competition included Burlesque and Alice in Wonderland…

10:41 – I have a saying that goes, “Friends don’t let friends get unfortunate bangs.” Sandra, your friends dropped the ball.

10:47 – Colin Firth wins for The King’s Speech. He’s so charming and British-y.

10:50 – I wish I was more adept at lip-reading, because I would love to know what some of these celebrities are saying to each other. I mean, what do you think Robert Downey, Jr. and Johnny Depp talk about? How to maintain that homeless man chic look?

10:54 – A standing ovation for someone with cancer just seems patronizing, but I like that Michael Douglas made a joke of it.

10:55 – Social Network wins Best Picture – Drama. This was such a strong category that I wouldn’t have been surprised if the award went to any of them.

And we’re done! Thank you to everyone who stopped by to read.

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Fresher than ever.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 2,500 times in 2010. That’s about 6 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 28 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 72 posts. There were 7 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 4mb.

The busiest day of the year was July 9th with 96 views. The most popular post that day was so you think you can dance: judges gone wild.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, en.wordpress.com, twitter.com, maristfoxtales.wordpress.com, and commit-this-to-memory.blogspot.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for comcast theatre, comcast theatre hartford, so you think you can dance judges, you can’t spell stud without std shirt, and comcast theater hartford.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

so you think you can dance: judges gone wild July 2010

let’s get warped. July 2009
2 comments

‘so you think you can dance’: let’s hear it for the boys. July 2010

if you’re 5 or 82 this is something you can do… April 2009
1 comment

you’re a ‘hot mess’ and i’m falling for you. August 2009

‘Horrified’ doesn’t even begin to describe my reaction. A Snuggie commercial set to the tune of “Macarena?” It’s like the dregs of pop culture mated, and this commercial is their lovechild. I have to give the creators of this jingle credit, though, because I’ve had this song stuck in my head all weekend.

*I need to confess that, as I write this, I’m comfortably cocooned in my Patriots-themed Snuggie…I guess people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

The injuries plague that claimed dearly departed Alex Wong last week struck again, this time in the form of a rib injury for Ashley. Forgettable as she may be, she’s a consistently good dancer, so I hope there isn’t an early departure in her future.

The last time SYTYCD attempted a foray into cultural dance, it resulted in the Russian folk dance fiasco that Jeanine and Phillip were saddled with in season 5. When I heard that Lauren would be dancing a Tahitian dance with Mark, I feared the worst. Before I get into the dance, I would like to thank the Dance gods for bringing Mark back to our TV screen this week; an episode without Mark is an episode without joy. I can’t imagine a better partner than him for this dance, because he brought the perfect amount of masculinity and strength. Lauren got that swively hip action just right, and while I can’t say I want to see this dance every week, it was a welcome
departure from the overwhelming amount of angsty contemporary pieces.

I was all for Adechike and Anya’s salsa last night, but the more I think about it, the less sure I am about its awesomeness. The tricks were great, especially Anya’s prolonged backbend and Adechike’s cartwheel over her arm, but the rest of the dance seemed to be lacking. It was a bit too stop-and-go to accommodate the tricks and lacked the fiery feel of a salsa. Choreography aside, Adechike did a great job of stepping out of his technical comfort zone and attacking something completely different.

One dance that I definitely did not like was Jose and Courtney’s Broadway routine. Joey Dowling’s choreography is hit-or-miss for me, and last night was for sure a miss. I get that they didn’t dance together due to the story of the dance, but the meager steps Jose did perform were executed poorly. I would have rather watched Courtney shimmy around the stage in that ridiculous showgirl costume by herself for the entirety of the dance. Don’t even get me started on that wounded puppy face Jose was pulling during his judging…

As I’m sure you’ve guessed, it was Travis Wall’s contemporary, danced by Robert and Allison, that moved me to tears. The one-two punch of Coldplay’s “Fix You” and the emotional backstory of his mom recovering from surgery was too much for my fragile emotions to handle. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Travis Wall is a genius. His choreography was so strong and so lovely that it would have been just as breathtaking without knowing the inspiration behind the piece. Robert put a lid on his oversized personality and allowed himself to connect with the piece, which definitely showed. I’m going to make a bold statement here and name Allison the best female contemporary dancer in SYTYCD history.

I’d like to thank the Dance gods again for the return of Dancing With the Stars pro Louis van Amstel as a choreographer. I missed him last season, when the new fall format of SYTYCD conflicted with DWTS. I love the jive as much as I love Louis, so one choreographing the other must equal greatness, right? Almost. Billy was able to overcome his nervous laughter from rehearsal and connect with Anya, but I wouldn’t rank this among the show’s top jives. Chopping up Meatloaf’s epic “Paradise By the Dashboard Light” into a minute and thirty seconds seems sacrilegious, and it gave the routine a slightly disjointed feel.

Let me offer another hearty “amen” for Neil. Not just last night, but in general. If they changed the title of the show to So You Think You Can Watch Neil Dance Solo For an Hour, I’d be all for it. I know this season is about the contestants and not the all-stars, but I thought Neil totally ruled this dance last night. Tyce Diorio’s Damn Yankees-themed Broadway piece was shockingly enjoyable. Okay, so Kent was good in this routine, too, because it allowed him to fully embrace his “gee-shucks-Kent!” persona, but I can’t believe Nigel told Neil he was outdanced. No way, no how.

Moving on to the contestants-only dances, (which I’m glad they’re continuing with) Lauren and Billy had a fun jazz from Mandy Moore. Her choreography isn’t usually that great, but this funky, peppy routine to “Boogie Shoes” was enjoyable to watch. (Not to mention I want a pair of those bejeweled Chuck Taylors they were wearing.) Adam was right; Billy truly did just let go and dance, and it showed.

I was shocked at the praise the judges were throwing at Jose after his b-boy dance with Dominic, who he was paired with since there was an odd number of contestants left. There is no way that you could sit there and watch that routine and not see that Jose is nowhere near as good at b-boying as Dominic. This was so obvious when they were dancing side-by-side; the leg windmills (or whatever they’re called) come to mind. I’m sick of all the passes Jose gets from the judges. He needs to be in the bottom three tonight.

Not taking into account the weird story behind the dance, (Kent’s girlfriend is a chair and Adechike doesn’t like her?) Dee Caspary’s contemporary piece was strong, masculine and really used the strengths of both dancers. The use of chairs could have hindered the routine, but the choreography was interesting and different.

The last dance of the night was the first disco of the season, and while I had been wondering when we were going to finally see it, I realized after last night’s routine with Robert and Kathryn that I didn’t really miss it that much. Doriana Sanchez’s choreography used to be non-stop good times, but now it’s evolved into death-defying trick after death-defying trick. Robert wasn’t fabulous in this, but he and Kathryn worked well together considering she had to fill in for the injured Ashley.

I think Jose and Billy or Robert will be joining Ashley in the bottom three tonight, and hopefully she’ll be well enough to continue on in the competition and Jose will be b-boying his way back to Miami.

Photo courtesy of Mark Kanemura’s Twitter account, @mKiK808.