‘american idol’ finale live blog

This season of American Idol started out with so much promise; new judges, no more Simon, the promise of new blood in the fading franchise. Things went south quickly, thanks to the early elimination of Pia Toscano, the Judges’ Save used way too early, lack of criticism from the judging panel and obvious examples of producer pimping/manipulation. Tonight, the season 10 winner will be crowned, an underwhelming competition between Scotty “Lovechild of Alfred E. Neuman and Howdy Doody” McCreery and Lauren “Toddlers and Tiaras All Grown Up” Alaina. For me, it’s the battle of who could care less, as my favorite, the sublime Haley Reinhart, was eliminated last week. Stay tuned as I live blog all of the filler segments and performances, and of course, who is crowned Wholesome Southern Teen Idol.

8:02 – When I think that more people vote for American Idol than the presidential election, a little part of me dies.

8:03 – Something that’s plagued me all season: is ‘Alaina’ actually her last name, or is it a middle-name-as-last-name sort of deal? Boggles the mind.

8:05 – Jacob Lusk is loving this Lady Gaga choreography.

8:07 – This isn’t a knock on Lauren’s weight, but she appears to be wearing an outfit from the Fat Elvis collection.

8:08 – Commercial Break Twitter Update (CBTU) “@realityblurred: Um, Lauren’s hometown Idol finale party had tons of empty seats. The camera couldn’t even conceal that.”

8:11 – The fact that both Judas Priest and Iggy Pop have appeared on Idol this season does not bode well for the future of the music industry.

8:15 – No, Ryan, do not go to Randy for any soundbites/reactions tonight. Please.

8:16 – It has occurred to me that I’d enjoy kickin’ it with the Dawg, but in the context of Idol, I’d like to sew his mouth shut.

8:18 – I would rather listen to seven hours of Randy saying, “You’re in it to win it!”than a three-minute Jacob Lusk performance.

8:21 – CBTU “@votefortheworst: Jacob Lusk needs time to queen out by himself. Eliminate Kirk Franklin and Gladys Knight and let Jacob go to town on his own.”

8:26 – I shouldn’t be enjoying this Casey Abrams/Jack Black performance as much as I am.

8:30 – I forgot most of these girls even existed.

8:33 – The top six girls are dressed like strippers at a post-apocalyptic strip club.

8:36 – CBTU “@mattmitovich: True story: Jack Black thinks he’s dueting with Will Ferrell.”

8:40 – Steven Tyler…everyone’s favorite crazy uncle.

8:42 – LOVE Haley’s dress. I wish she was singing with someone a little more current than Tony Bennett, but she sounds wonderful, as usual.

8:46 – J. Lo’s hair, flesh and jumpsuit are all the same color. It’s unsettling.

8:48 – Seriously, who dresses these girls? I can’t even find the words to describe how atrocious their TLC performance ensembles are…

8:50 – I appreciate the sentiment, but “Live Like You Were Dying” is my least favorite Tim McGraw song. Of course he’s singing it with Scotty.

8:55 – CBTU “@rilaws: It’s so weird that Tim McGraw is being styled by George Michael these days.”

8:58 – I can’t wait for this Idol nonsense to be over so we can get to the goodness that is So You Think You Can Dance.

9:02 – Sorry, Mr. J. Lo, but this performance reminds me of the “Island Fantasy Spectacular” put on by my resort on Spring Break.

9:06 – Oh Stefano, don’t ever sing in falsetto again.

9:08 – I think I can safely say this season’s top 13 is the most adept at choreography. Yes, this is something I thought about and analyzed. Help me.

9:11 – This medley is painful. These six voices do not mesh well together.

9:12 – The girls got to sing with Beyonce and the boys get…Tom Jones. Naturally.

9:14 – CBTU “@EWMandiBierly: I wish they’d made the Top 13 girls be Marc Anthony’s feather girls.”

9:23 – This show needed a heavy dose of Gaga’s insanity. Love her.

9:25 – I love playing “Spot Mark Kanemura” during Lady Gaga’s performances. He’s one of my favorite SYTYCD alums.

9:27 – CBTU “@adambvary: Ummm. Is Scotty a little hot for teacher?”

9:31 – Loving that Carrie Underwood is wiping the floor with Lauren. Bow down, bitches.

9:33 – Again, this isn’t a knock on Lauren’s weight, but I couldn’t help but notice that her butt is about three times the size of Carrie’s. I wish I had a screencap so I could marvel at the difference.

9:36 – Beyonce’s back. Snooze.

9:40 – CBTU “@EWAnnieBarrett: Carrie Underwood’s “sun”-kissed legs are the skinniest hot dogs I’ve ever seen.”

9:44 – I will never tire of the commercial where the guy is doing a one-man flash mob in Grand Central.

9:46 – This unknown dude onstage with Bono and the Edge looks like a mix of Ethan Hawke, James Franco and Kris Allen.

9:50 – CBTU “@EWAnnieBarrett: Sorry Bono and the Edge aren’t home right now they’re walking into spiderwebs so leave a message and they’ll call you back.” (Follow her. She’s hilarious.)

9:54 – Uncle Steven woke up from his season-long nap to perform, everyone!

9:57 – CBTU “@MichaelSlezakTV: I am going to have to ‘rise above’ the show’s failure to give a couple of my fave finalists a solo performance slot. #HijackedBySpidey”

10:02 – Okay, folks, here we go…the 2011 American Idol is…SCOTTY MCCREERY!

10:03 – Congrats to Scotty, but ugh, that means we have to hear his stupid “Love You This Big” song ad nauseum.

10:05 – “@rilaws: Time to sing the baby song for babies. Baby gets a bottle after sing-song is over.”

An underwhelming ending to an underwhelming season. I’m ready to move on to bigger and better things…SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE starts tomorrow night : )

grammys live blog 2011

Hello, readers! Thank you for humoring me and stopping by to check out my second annual live blog of the Grammys. Hopefully we have a night full of entertaining performances ahead of us, if Lady Gaga’s trek down the red carpet in a placenta/womb/egg-like thing is any indication. Also, I’d like to go on record and say if Justin Bieber wins any awards tonight, I will never watch the Grammys again.

8:00 – Kicking things off with a tribute to the one and only Aretha Franklin.

8:03 – Quite a wide variety of ladies singing this tribute. Christina Aguilera needs to tone down the clown hooker makeup.

8:06 – Martina McBride never seems to age. She is gorgeous.

8:07 – LOVE Florence Welch. If her band doesn’t win Best New Artist tonight, there is serious injustice in this world.

8:08 – The longer I look at Christina, the more I’m convinced her and Snooki are the same person.

8:11 – Hell yes to “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves.” I love this song. (A special shout-out to my sistahs!)

8:14 – Lovely message from Aretha. She looks quite healthy.

8:17 – Damn, I missed Christina trip at the end of the tribute. Poor girl; this is just not her month.

8:20 – Best Pop Performance By a Duo or Group goes to…Train for “Hey Soul Sister.” I hate that song, but you can’t deny the fact that it revived their career and took over the radio last year.

8:22 – Oh dear lord, Ricky Martin, why are you wearing silver pants?

8:23 – Pod person Lady Gaga has arrived in a relatively tame outfit, too.

8:25 – The pointy shoulders are creeping me out. A lot.

8:26 – Of course she’s playing an organ with dismembered heads on it.

8:28 – Say what you will about Gaga, but she has a legit voice. No need for AutoTune or lip-syncing during her performances.

8:33 – Blake Shelton is introducing his fiancee. Precious.

8:34 – Noooo, Miranda! Not this song! I love it, but I can’t listen to it without crying.

8:38 – Happy to say I made it through that song with dry eyes. It helps to have developed a two-sizes-too-small Grinch heart.

8:40 – Muse is awesome. I have never encountered a song of theirs that I didn’t like.

8:43 – I wonder how Kate Hudson feels about the fact that the father of her unborn child just appeared on national television in a sparkly suit…

8:45 – My mom, on Bob Dylan: “Is he dead yet?”

8:49 – Major props to whoever organized the trio of Bruno Mars, B.o.B. and Janelle Monae.

8:52 – I’m in love with Bruno Mars’ voice. And his freakishly perfect teeth.

8:56 – I’m going to prematurely call this performance of the night. It’s going to take a lot to top these three.

8:58 – Finally…another award. (Not that I’m complaining. I love that the Grammys are so performance-heavy.)

9:00 – Best Female Country Vocal goes to Miranda Lambert, shocking absolutely no one. This song absolutely deserves to win a ton of Grammys.

9:05 – Oh no. I feel a Bieber performance coming on…

9:06 – Bieber is talented, but he has such a punchable face. I’m a terrible person for saying that.

9:08 – Seeing Bieber perform makes me feel elderly. It’s been so long since NSync’s heyday…Justin Timberlake just turned 30, for god’s sake.

9:10 – I have a hatred for precocious child stars, but Will Smith’s son Jaden is adorable.

9:11 – “OMG” is, hands-down, my least favorite song of 2010.

9:15 – Best Rock Album goes to…Muse, aka the only band nominated in this category that wasn’t alive in the 60s.

9:20 – “From ‘Blue Bloods’ and New Kids On the Block,” is a great introduction.

9:21 – Best Pop Vocal Album goes to Lady Gaga. Duhhhh. She’s dressed like a lunatic but I love her.

9:25 – This performance is…odd. A banjo, a convulsing keyboard player and a lead singer who looks like Tim Tebow. My brain hurts.

9:27 – Is this the Avett Brothers or Mumford and Sons? Or does it even matter? They’re both equally boring.

9:28 – Everyone on this stage right now looks like they escaped a polygamist cult.

9:30 – People actually pay to listen to Bob Dylan sing? This disturbs me.

9:32 – This performance quickly turned from strange to AWFUL.

9:34 – Thank god that’s over. I need a Top 40 palate cleanser after that hipster/roving band of weirdos explosion.

9:39 – Clay Matthews looks so. uncomfortable.

9:40 – I love Lady Antebellum so much. “American Honey” is a beautiful song.

9:42 – I have a strong feeling “Need You Now” will win one of the major awards tonight. (Song or Record of the year…I can’t keep them straight.)

9:44 – Best Country Album goes to…Lady Antebellum. A deserved win, for sure.

9:46 – Okay, now why is Gwyneth Paltrow singing with Cee-Lo? Just because she sang this song on Glee?

9:48 – Oh. My. God. I love this acid-trip-meets-the-Muppets performance. “It’s like Elton John on crack,” according to my mother.

9:50 – Gwyneth should be ashamed that she let someone talk her into appearing on the Grammys in a unitard.

9:53 – That performance brought the crazy and cuckoo that Gaga was lacking. Loved it. (Minus Gwyneth.)

9:57 – I hope “Not Like the Movies” is Katy Perry’s new single…great track off of “Teenage Dream.”

10:00 – Go ahead and make fun of me, but I love this song. A lot.

10:01 – Oh my god, how cute was Nicole Kidman singing along to “Teenage Dream”? Love it.

10:03 – Liking the sassy bob on Norah Jones. Not liking John Mayer’s homeless look.

10:04 – Song of the Year goes to…”Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum. Totally called it.

10:12 – Thank you, Seth Rogen, for making a ‘Miley Cyrus getting high’ joke.

10:14 – Rihanna looks stunning in this dress.

10:17 – I’m now intimately acquainted with the veins in Eminem’s face. He’s a bit intense, isn’t he?

10:19 – I just had to google Skylar Grey to see what she looks like, since they seem averse to showing her face on TV.

10:21 – Best New Artist goes to…Esperanza Spalding. Who the F is she? I mean, I kept chanting, “Anyone but Bieber,” but I was hoping for a Florence + the Machine win. Congratulations, whoever you are!

10:30 – It’s kind of cool that a jazz musician won Best New Artist.

10:35 – I find it very hard to believe that this is Sir Mick’s first Grammy performance. He’s such an old kook, but so talented.

10:37 – Stars: They’re just like us! They rock out! (I’m looking at you, Nicole Kidman. You’re too cute.)

10:40 – If the rest of the telecast was just Mick Jagger performing, I would be perfectly okay with that.

10:47 – The extensions on Barbara Streisand’s head are atrocious. Sorry, Babs.

10:50 – Nicki Minaj is loco, but I love her.

10:51 – Best Rap Album goes to…Eminem.

10:59 – This is one of my favorite Rihanna songs, made even better by Drizzy Drake.

11:02 – Oh look, it’s my new favorite American Idol judge and her creepy, possibly undead husband!

11:04 – Record of the Year goes to…”Need You Now.” Wow, both Record and Song of the Year. Crazy.

11:11 – Jason Segal, I love you.

11:12 – Arcade Fire needs to lay off the strobe lights a bit. Do not like.

11:15 – I hate this. Make it stop.

11:22 – FINALLY. Album of the Year goes to…Arcade Fire. Say whaaat? That’s ridic. Should have gone to Gaga.

That’s a wrap, kids. A giant THANK YOU to everyone who popped in to read what I had to say…as of 11:25 tonight, my blog has 691 page views. I can’t even wrap my head around that.

golden globes live blog 2011

Welcome to my first live blog of the new year and the start of awards season. (No, I don’t count the People’s Choice Awards. Shocking, I know.) The Globes are one of my favorites because a) everyone’s drinking throughout the show and b) you get the best of movies and television.

7:53 – I’ve got my one-woman media center ready to go: Chapstick, Blackberry and Snuggie. It’s so high-tech in here I can’t stand it.

8:00 – Not even a minute in and Ricky Gervais already has a drink nearby.

8:02 – I may be in the minority here, but I don’t find Mr. Gervais very funny. Oh, and we just had “Christ” bleeped out.

8:04 – Okay, but he just won me over a little with the Walking Dead/Hugh Hefner joke.

8:06 – Christian Bale wins Best Supporting Actor – Motion Picture for The Fighter.

8:09 – Julie Bowen. Love her.

8:10 – Katey Segal wins Best Actress in a TV Series – Drama for Sons of Anarchy.

8:12 – Whoever makes up the seating chart/sets up the tables has a cruel sense of humor.

8:16 – Julianne Moore appears to have lost one sleeve in a tragic limo door accident.

8:17 – I don’t know a single person who watches any of these TV mini-series or movies.

8:21 – The “shut up and get off the stage” music is so passive-aggressive.

8:22 – I think Bruce Willis was a bit taken aback by Ricky Gervais’ “Ashton Kutcher’s dad” joke.

8:24 – Literally screaming out loud that Chris Colfer just won a Golden Globe. Talk about well deserved. (He won Best Supporting Actor – TV Series, Mini-Series, Movie.)

8:25 – Perfect speech, Chris. Love him.

8:29 – Something else I just screamed about: the return of Parks and Recreation this week.

8:31 – The fact that Alice in Wonderland was nominated proves that 2010 was not a great year for movies.

8:32 – Oh snap…the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is sassy.

8:33 – Um, Milla, the Miss America pageant was last night.

8:34 – Steve Buscemi wins Best Actor – TV Series – Drama for Boardwalk Empire. Not surprising, but I was hoping for a win for my favorite serial killer, Michael C. Hall.

8:37Boardwalk Empire wins Best TV Series – Drama. Again, nothing surprising, but I think a lot of people would agree that the quality of television has far surpassed that of movies. The five shows nominated for this category have more quality in ten minutes than most movies do in over an hour.

8:39 – Seeing Angelina fixing Brad’s tie was an oddly intimate moment from America’s most scrutinized couple.

8:43 – My mother is apparently keeping a tally of how many British people appear on tonight’s telecast. (We’re up to three.)

8:44 – As a member of the Facebook generation, I’m a bit embarrassed that I haven’t seen The Social Network yet.

8:45 – “Alec from the Rock and Jenny from the Block.” Genius.

8:47 – Two songs nominated from Burlesque? Yikes. One’s a winner, too.

8:48 – Confession: I instantly hate people who have their acceptance speeches pre-written.

8:50 – Trent Reznor has just won a Golden Globe. The apocalypse is nigh.

8:55 – The fact that Justin Bieber is at the Golden Globes makes me want to vomit.

8:57Toy Story 3 wins Best Motion Picture – Animated. This is another movie I’m ashamed that I haven’t seen.

8:59 – I really don’t know whether to laugh or cringe at Gervais’ rehab and jail jokes at Robert Downey Jr.’s expense.

9:01 – I’m officially starting the campaign to have RDJ host the Globes next year.

9:02 – Annette Bening predictably wins Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy-Musical for The Kids Are All Right. I knew it was a long shot, but I was hoping for an Emma Stone win. She was superb in Easy A.

9:06 – Don’t look know, but a rabid animal has taken up residence on Al Pacino’s head.

9:11 – If someone told me Tilda Swinton came from another planet, I would believe them.

9:12 – Pacino: hair plugs or just bad hair? I’m quite curious.

9:13 – Uncle Jesse is at the Golden Globes! I see you peering around Lea Michele, John Stamos.

9:16 – Holy hell, I hope Claire Danes’ award has a sleeve of Saltines inside it. Eat something, girl!

9:23 – Zac Efron’s military-style haircut: do not like.

9:24 – Please pardon me while I worship at the altar of Tina Fey.

9:26 – Carell and Feya match made in comedic heaven.

9:28 – “Smart girls have more fun.” Hell yes, they do.

9:29 – Another Glee win, this time for Sue Sylvester herself. Jane Lynch is awesome.

9:36 – Oh, Olivia Wilde…why must you ruin a gorgeous Marchesa dress with such awful hair?

9:37 – The lady who just won for Best Foreign Film flashed her Spanx as she was walking up the stairs. Whoops…

9:40 – Kind of thankful that Laura Linney isn’t here to accept her award, because that’s one less speech we have to sit through.

9:47 – I loved Burlesque, but it was by no means Golden Globe-worthy.

9:48 – It appears that the Big Bang Theory cast was seated in a dark corner. Congratulations to Jim Parsons on his win.

9:50 – Best Supporting Actress goes to…Melissa Leo for The Fighter. Boo, I wanted a Mila Kunis win.

9:50 – Don’t tell anyone, but…I’m kind of bored. I’m in a mid-show slump.

9:58 – Matt Damon is like a fine wine…better with age.

10:00 – Call me uncultured, but I can only think of Robert DeNiro saying, “Double dose,” in the Little Fockers trailer.

10:03 – Was I hallucinating, or did they really include The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle in DeNiro’s best-of montage?

10:07 – Someone get Mr. DeNiro some glasses so he can read the teleprompter.

10:14 – All of these wins for The Social Network make me want to see it ASAP.

10:16 – Dear David Fincher, jokes aren’t that funny when you’re reading them from something you typed in a Microsoft Word document last week.

10:18 – Best Comedy goes to…Glee.  I love this show, but I really wanted to see Modern Family win.

10:24 – I’ve never even heard of the movie Paul Giamatti just won for, but he’s a great actor.

10:27 – Lots of censoring going on tonight. Someone’s busy in the NBC control room.

10:29 – Emma Stone and Mila Kunis would be great in a well-written buddy comedy. Screenwriters of the world, get on this.

10:34 – Natalie Portman totally deserves this win for Black Swan. No one could play ballerina-gone-psycho better than her.

10:37 – Darren Aronofsky’s mustache is ridiculous. It looks like he pasted it on in the limo on the way over.

10:39 – Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical is The Kids Are All Right. A real shocker, considering its competition included Burlesque and Alice in Wonderland

10:41 – I have a saying that goes, “Friends don’t let friends get unfortunate bangs.” Sandra, your friends dropped the ball.

10:47 – Colin Firth wins for The King’s Speech. He’s so charming and British-y.

10:50 – I wish I was more adept at lip-reading, because I would love to know what some of these celebrities are saying to each other. I mean, what do you think Robert Downey, Jr. and Johnny Depp talk about? How to maintain that homeless man chic look?

10:54 – A standing ovation for someone with cancer just seems patronizing, but I like that Michael Douglas made a joke of it.

10:55Social Network wins Best Picture – Drama. This was such a strong category that I wouldn’t have been surprised if the award went to any of them.

And we’re done! Thank you to everyone who stopped by to read.