live-blogging the american idol season 11 finale

ImageSeason 11 of American Idol comes to an end tonight; we find out who inherits the sash and tiara from Scotty “Baby Lock Them Doors” McCreery. Will it be southern heartthrob and Dave Matthews impersonator Phillip Phillips, or will it be ballad-bot Jessica “BB Chez” Sanchez?

I think both have rabid fanbases that voted their fingers off last night, but Phillip’s excellent coronation song “Home” may have given him the lead. I have no horse in the race, as my girl Skylar Laine was eliminated fifth, but it will be interesting to see if Jessica can be the first female to win the title since Jordin Sparks.

8:01 – What do you think Phillip and Jessica talk about? I just spent 30 seconds pondering this. Thirty seconds of my life I’ll never get back.

8:03 – Oh top 12…so much potential, so much disappointment.

8:04 – Is this a tie-in for So You Think You Can Dance? Reminder: it’s back tomorrow. Watch it!

8:06 – I love how Jane Lynch has a better seat than Scotty McCreery.

8:08 – Phillip Phillips in his finest henley and white pants. What a dapper gent.

8:10 – Idol will never limit the number of votes a person can cast, a la Dancing With the Stars, because they love to brag about the record-breaking number of votes.

8:12 – Seriously geeking out over Phillip and John Fogerty singing together. What a great pairing.

8:14 – Um, I might have spoken too soon, because this is not audibly pleasant. Sorry Phil, I think it’s you.

8:15 – Phillip’s vocal limitations are so apparent when put next to a legend like Fogerty.

8:18 – The first of many filler segments: the judges acting wacky. Or, Steven Tyler being himself while J. Lo and Randy look on bemusedly.

8:20 – Full confession: I never got the Joshua Ledet hype. Too much hollering and screaming for me.

8:21 – Holy s#*t…Fantasia looks downright hideous. Whoever put that weave on her head and shoved her into that sequined sausage casing should be shot.

8:23 – Thank you to Fox for cutting to a commercial break. My retinas were starting to burn the longer I looked at Fantasia. I’m all about loving your body, but there comes a point where you put on a sequined and mesh catsuit, look in the mirror and go, “No, this won’t do.”

8:30 – I can’t decide if Jimmy Iovine’s mental block with Jennifer Lopez’ name is funny or sad.

8:32 – It’s almost criminal how early the uber-talented Erika van Pelt was eliminated.

8:34 – Chaka Khan continues tonight’s trend of vulgarly tight bodysuits. If I can see the outline of your labia and ass crack, take it up a size.

8:40 – “Here, Phillip Phillips. Have a new Ford car, despite not appearing in any of the music videos!”

8:45 – I’m trying to come up with something to say about Rihanna’s performance…but I don’t even know where to begin.

8:51 – Oh Skylar. You should be competing for the title tonight. Life is unjust.

8:53 – Reba is like Skylar in 40 years. I’ve been saying all season that Skylar is like a mix of Reba and Miranda Lambert, so this duet is perfect.

8:55 – STEVEN TYLER HAS A SLOTH.

8:59 – Jessica Sanchez is singing a ballad. There’s something new and exciting. Even her little brother is bored.

9:01 – The girls were so much better than the guys this season.

9:11 – I chuckled at the ‘singing the phone book’ bit. Help.

9:14 – Didn’t J. Lo perform two weeks ago? Why is she back, in drop-crotch pants, no less?

9:15 – “Tonight we go orangutan/Bananas.” Jennifer Lopez, lyricist extraordinaire.

9:20 – Couldn’t comment during the second J. Lo song, as I was demonstrating some of my Zumba moves. Everyone in the room with me, cats included, implored me to stop.

9:25 – A live engagement of two former Idol contestants. The circle of life, folks.

9:28 – Hollie, my favorite little pixie British Texan. She sounds lovely with Jordin Sparks.

9:32 – Funny how this whole shebang is about Phillip and Jessica, yet the two of them have barely been on screen the last hour and a half.

9:35 – If the guys are singing Bee Gees, I bet the girls are doing a Donna Summer medley.

9:37 – I didn’t miss Colton’s straining emo faces one bit. Between his neck tendons and Phillip’s forehead vein, this was the season of overwrought body parts.

9:40 – I’m not sure what’s going on with Jennifer Holliday’s mouth, and that concerns me.

9:43 – That was over the top in a very uncomfortable way.

9:47 – Wow…Joe Perry and the rest of Aerosmith finally got over their Idol snit and are performing. Also, Steven Tyler looks like Professor Trelawney from Harry Potter.

9:49 – I can only assume that, to round out the judges performance trifecta, Randy is going to recite some poetry about his time with Journey and working with Mariah.

9:52 – Aww, how cute. Jennifer is pretending she knows the words to “Walk This Way.”

9:58 – Praise the fashion gods…Phillip Phillips is wearing a suit jacket. Over a henley. Of course.

9:59 – Phillip and Jessica singing together is like the musical equivalent of peanut butter and vinegar.

10:02 – PHILLIP PHILLIPS WINS!

10:03 – “Home” is the best coronation song since “A Moment Like This.”

10:04 – Despite my aforementioned ambivalence, I am tearing up watching Phillip cry.

Well, there you have it. Phillip Phillips, winner of American Idol season 11. Another guy with a guitar. C’est la vie. Thanks for reading! Watch So You Think You Can Dance!

golden globes live blog 2011

Welcome to my first live blog of the new year and the start of awards season. (No, I don’t count the People’s Choice Awards. Shocking, I know.) The Globes are one of my favorites because a) everyone’s drinking throughout the show and b) you get the best of movies and television.

7:53 – I’ve got my one-woman media center ready to go: Chapstick, Blackberry and Snuggie. It’s so high-tech in here I can’t stand it.

8:00 – Not even a minute in and Ricky Gervais already has a drink nearby.

8:02 – I may be in the minority here, but I don’t find Mr. Gervais very funny. Oh, and we just had “Christ” bleeped out.

8:04 – Okay, but he just won me over a little with the Walking Dead/Hugh Hefner joke.

8:06 – Christian Bale wins Best Supporting Actor – Motion Picture for The Fighter.

8:09 – Julie Bowen. Love her.

8:10 – Katey Segal wins Best Actress in a TV Series – Drama for Sons of Anarchy.

8:12 – Whoever makes up the seating chart/sets up the tables has a cruel sense of humor.

8:16 – Julianne Moore appears to have lost one sleeve in a tragic limo door accident.

8:17 – I don’t know a single person who watches any of these TV mini-series or movies.

8:21 – The “shut up and get off the stage” music is so passive-aggressive.

8:22 – I think Bruce Willis was a bit taken aback by Ricky Gervais’ “Ashton Kutcher’s dad” joke.

8:24 – Literally screaming out loud that Chris Colfer just won a Golden Globe. Talk about well deserved. (He won Best Supporting Actor – TV Series, Mini-Series, Movie.)

8:25 – Perfect speech, Chris. Love him.

8:29 – Something else I just screamed about: the return of Parks and Recreation this week.

8:31 – The fact that Alice in Wonderland was nominated proves that 2010 was not a great year for movies.

8:32 – Oh snap…the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is sassy.

8:33 – Um, Milla, the Miss America pageant was last night.

8:34 – Steve Buscemi wins Best Actor – TV Series – Drama for Boardwalk Empire. Not surprising, but I was hoping for a win for my favorite serial killer, Michael C. Hall.

8:37Boardwalk Empire wins Best TV Series – Drama. Again, nothing surprising, but I think a lot of people would agree that the quality of television has far surpassed that of movies. The five shows nominated for this category have more quality in ten minutes than most movies do in over an hour.

8:39 – Seeing Angelina fixing Brad’s tie was an oddly intimate moment from America’s most scrutinized couple.

8:43 – My mother is apparently keeping a tally of how many British people appear on tonight’s telecast. (We’re up to three.)

8:44 – As a member of the Facebook generation, I’m a bit embarrassed that I haven’t seen The Social Network yet.

8:45 – “Alec from the Rock and Jenny from the Block.” Genius.

8:47 – Two songs nominated from Burlesque? Yikes. One’s a winner, too.

8:48 – Confession: I instantly hate people who have their acceptance speeches pre-written.

8:50 – Trent Reznor has just won a Golden Globe. The apocalypse is nigh.

8:55 – The fact that Justin Bieber is at the Golden Globes makes me want to vomit.

8:57Toy Story 3 wins Best Motion Picture – Animated. This is another movie I’m ashamed that I haven’t seen.

8:59 – I really don’t know whether to laugh or cringe at Gervais’ rehab and jail jokes at Robert Downey Jr.’s expense.

9:01 – I’m officially starting the campaign to have RDJ host the Globes next year.

9:02 – Annette Bening predictably wins Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy-Musical for The Kids Are All Right. I knew it was a long shot, but I was hoping for an Emma Stone win. She was superb in Easy A.

9:06 – Don’t look know, but a rabid animal has taken up residence on Al Pacino’s head.

9:11 – If someone told me Tilda Swinton came from another planet, I would believe them.

9:12 – Pacino: hair plugs or just bad hair? I’m quite curious.

9:13 – Uncle Jesse is at the Golden Globes! I see you peering around Lea Michele, John Stamos.

9:16 – Holy hell, I hope Claire Danes’ award has a sleeve of Saltines inside it. Eat something, girl!

9:23 – Zac Efron’s military-style haircut: do not like.

9:24 – Please pardon me while I worship at the altar of Tina Fey.

9:26 – Carell and Feya match made in comedic heaven.

9:28 – “Smart girls have more fun.” Hell yes, they do.

9:29 – Another Glee win, this time for Sue Sylvester herself. Jane Lynch is awesome.

9:36 – Oh, Olivia Wilde…why must you ruin a gorgeous Marchesa dress with such awful hair?

9:37 – The lady who just won for Best Foreign Film flashed her Spanx as she was walking up the stairs. Whoops…

9:40 – Kind of thankful that Laura Linney isn’t here to accept her award, because that’s one less speech we have to sit through.

9:47 – I loved Burlesque, but it was by no means Golden Globe-worthy.

9:48 – It appears that the Big Bang Theory cast was seated in a dark corner. Congratulations to Jim Parsons on his win.

9:50 – Best Supporting Actress goes to…Melissa Leo for The Fighter. Boo, I wanted a Mila Kunis win.

9:50 – Don’t tell anyone, but…I’m kind of bored. I’m in a mid-show slump.

9:58 – Matt Damon is like a fine wine…better with age.

10:00 – Call me uncultured, but I can only think of Robert DeNiro saying, “Double dose,” in the Little Fockers trailer.

10:03 – Was I hallucinating, or did they really include The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle in DeNiro’s best-of montage?

10:07 – Someone get Mr. DeNiro some glasses so he can read the teleprompter.

10:14 – All of these wins for The Social Network make me want to see it ASAP.

10:16 – Dear David Fincher, jokes aren’t that funny when you’re reading them from something you typed in a Microsoft Word document last week.

10:18 – Best Comedy goes to…Glee.  I love this show, but I really wanted to see Modern Family win.

10:24 – I’ve never even heard of the movie Paul Giamatti just won for, but he’s a great actor.

10:27 – Lots of censoring going on tonight. Someone’s busy in the NBC control room.

10:29 – Emma Stone and Mila Kunis would be great in a well-written buddy comedy. Screenwriters of the world, get on this.

10:34 – Natalie Portman totally deserves this win for Black Swan. No one could play ballerina-gone-psycho better than her.

10:37 – Darren Aronofsky’s mustache is ridiculous. It looks like he pasted it on in the limo on the way over.

10:39 – Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical is The Kids Are All Right. A real shocker, considering its competition included Burlesque and Alice in Wonderland

10:41 – I have a saying that goes, “Friends don’t let friends get unfortunate bangs.” Sandra, your friends dropped the ball.

10:47 – Colin Firth wins for The King’s Speech. He’s so charming and British-y.

10:50 – I wish I was more adept at lip-reading, because I would love to know what some of these celebrities are saying to each other. I mean, what do you think Robert Downey, Jr. and Johnny Depp talk about? How to maintain that homeless man chic look?

10:54 – A standing ovation for someone with cancer just seems patronizing, but I like that Michael Douglas made a joke of it.

10:55Social Network wins Best Picture – Drama. This was such a strong category that I wouldn’t have been surprised if the award went to any of them.

And we’re done! Thank you to everyone who stopped by to read.

glee-king out

After a winter hiatus that seemed all too long, Glee is back in all of its quirky, musical, jazz-handed glory. I was a gleek to the extreme during the fall portion of the season, quoting funny lines, discussing the progression of various storylines, downloading the soundtracks, etc. Glee is the first scripted show in a long time to become one of my must-see TV shows. I’m probably the millionth person to say this, but it’s not like anything else on television at the moment, which is why it’s become the worldwide phenomenon that it is. The cast is doing a concert tour, for crying out loud.

My anticipation for last night’s show was ridiculously high, made even higher by the boring episode of American Idol as the lead-in. I wasn’t totally in love with “Hell-o.” It was at times uneven and other times too busy. The snark and humor I love about Glee was present, but there was too much to focus on. It was like the writers took Adderall before writing this episode.

I’ve always known Glee to be imperfect, but aren’t all the best shows on TV? The imperfections were front and center last night, though. Glee is guilty of introducing and wrapping up storylines within the course of one episode, as well as cramming the hour with too many stories to follow. Let’s see…last night we had Will and Emma getting together then breaking up, Will making out with another woman while he was still sort of with Emma; Rachel and Finn dating, then not dating, then Finn wanting to date Rachel, and all sorts of Sue Sylvester-related chaos. I know the writers were eager to give the audience what they’d been waiting four months to see, but it was like Glee overload. The musical numbers were haphazardly thrown in to pad the episode, and while they were all great on their own, they just added to the disjointed feeling of the episode. I’ve heard many good things from people who have seen next week’s Madonna-centric episode, so I have faith that Glee will regain its’ pace in the coming weeks. I’m just eager for it to get there.
Enough negativity. On to the things I liked…
One thing Glee does so well is bring in kick-ass guest stars. Bringing in Broadway veterans Idina Menzel and Jonathan Groff as the coach and lead, respectively, of rival glee club Vocal Adrenaline was great. Groff’s Jesse St. James is a much more believable match for Rachel than Finn. Jesse’s arrogance fits well with Rachel’s desperation. ”I’ve got a full ride to a little school called the University of California Los Angeles. Maybe you’ve heard of it. It’s in Los Angeles.”
The ensemble cast was killer last night. Will asked the glee club how they answered the phone and Kurt replied, “No, she’s dead. This is her son.” Calling Rachel “Benedict Arnold” after it came out that she was dating Jesse was great, too. Chris Colfer is for sure the heart and soul of the show. He’s made Kurt into a believable character with depth while others are still very two-dimensional. Brittany and Santana were put to good use last night by Sue, who wanted them both to seduce Finn away from Rachel. Their awkward dinner date was great, especially when they were ripping apart Rachel, then Finn, who was sitting across from them. Brittany had a few great lines last night, like, “Sometimes I forget my middle name,” and “Dolphins are just gay sharks.”
I’ve never been fond of crazy Terri because, well, she’s crazy. Jessalyn Gilsig kept Terri’s crazy in check during the great scene between her and Emma, where she revealed that maybe Will wasn’t such the knight in shining armor. More of this subdued crazy Terri, please.
Sue Sylvester was awesome as usual, with lines like, “You may be two of the stupidest teens I’ve ever encountered, and that’s saying something. I once taught a cheerleading seminar to a young Sarah Palin.” (Oh snap!) Her whole must-destroy-glee-club schtick is getting so old and predictable, though. Can we go one episode without a Will vs. Sue battle royale? Please?
Photo courtesy of fox.com