please tell me this is a wig.

Tom, whoever told you this was a good idea was wrong. Even if it was Gisele. It may just barely work for Justin Bieber, but he’s practically still in preschool. I just pray that this is some kooky off-season thing, like, “Oh, cool, I can grow a weird Dorothy Hamill-esque ‘do in the summer and then chop it all off before the season starts!” This is almost as misguided as that horrible mustache Mark Sanchez attempted to pull off for a few games last year.

Photo courtesy of Splash News via Dlisted.

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10 things i learned at fenway park.

Field On Sunday, I visited Fenway Park for the final game of a Red Sox/Yankees series, and while the Yanks were unable to pull off a sweep, I saw and heard many interesting things. I will preface all derogatory statements by saying this was my first professional sporting event, so behavior like this most likely occurs at arenas/stadiums/baseball fields across the country. Also, I am a card-carrying Red Sox Hater, so suck it, Boston fans! (I kept this vitriol to myself on Sunday night, for fear of bodily harm.)

1. No matter how cold it is, people will gladly and repeatedly shell out $8 for a beer. Despite it being May, I was bundled up like it was late November, and I couldn’t finish the one beer I bought because my hands were too cold to hold the cup. This did not deter anyone around me; one girl had eight beers during the course of the game. Yes, I counted. This girl spent upwards of $60 in a three-hour period. This is mildly concerning.

2. Kevin Youkilis has questionable taste in facial hair and at-bat music. I could be very wrong, but from what I could hear over the incessant shouting (more on that later,) seemed to be Biz Markie’s “Just a Friend.” Really, Youk? Out of all the songs in the world, you choose this one to announce your presence at the plate?

3. “Sweet Caroline” was a bit of a letdown. Maybe it’s because I had it built up to be this big spectacle, but it was just like drunken karaoke en mass. It was still cool, but not as memorable or mind-blowing as I hoped.

4. Red Sox fans chant “Yankees suck!”…even when the team they’re playing isn’t the Yankees. Obviously I didn’t experience this firsthand, but I heard about this at the game, and many people have since corroborated this fact. Again, I’m fully drinking the Red Sox Haterade, but does anyone not think this is incredibly pathetic? I get it…you eternally hate the Yankees and their 27 World Series wins, their players’ high salaries, etc. But to chant “Yankees suck” when you’re playing the Braves or the Marlins? It just makes you seem petty and bitter. Be a little more creative.

5. Some people don’t shut up. At all. I had the pleasure of sitting near a young gentleman who spent the entire game, and that is not a hyperbolic exaggeration, shouting at the top of his lungs. He yelled negative things at the Yankees (“Swishah! Yah mom’s a whore!”) and positive things at the Red Sox (“Don’t pull a hammy, JD! We need you!”) I have never wanted to wire someone’s jaw shut so badly. It was just non-stop shouting for nine innings. He wasn’t the only one, of course; there were thousands of others joining in to create one loud, Boston-accented ruckus.

6. There were so many physical altercations in the stands that the game could have been called WWE Raw: Chowderheads Edition. In the sections surrounding me alone, there were three scuffles in the bleacher seats, a girl-on-girl fight that involved major hair-pulling, and an incident where a guy spit in another guy’s face from point-blank range. The latter two skirmishes happened within 10 feet of my seat. I assume this is a common occurrence at Fenway, possibly made worse by the heated rivalry playing out on the field and the free-flowing booze, but it was still ridiculous. It got to the point where people around me stopped paying attention to the game and started scanning the crowd for fights.

7. Wally the Green Monster apparently has a female counterpart, who just looks like Wally in drag. You can just barely see her near home plate in the picture above, but Internet research has not led to any conclusive information on her name or why the Red Sox need two terrifying mascots. Although I’m one to talk; the Yankees’ former mascot, Dandy, is the stuff nightmares are made of.

8. Based on the cheers, David Ortiz and Kevin Youkilis are the favorite players among Sox fans. Alternately, A-Rod got the loudest boos and Derek Jeter got the least, so I take that to mean he’s the one Yankee player they can tolerate. Some of the A-Rod taunts were a bit off-base; a guy next to me kept shouting, “Hey A-Rod? How’s Madonna?” It appears this man stopped reading gossip columns in 2008.

9. Sox fans (and the few Yankees fans in attendance) love them some Lady Gaga. “Poker Face” came on between innings and the place went nuts. Beers were raised in the air, fist bumps were exchanged and everyone was loving it. I didn’t see that coming at all.

10. I squealed like a teenage girl at a Justin Bieber concert when Joba Chamberlain and Boone Logan appeared in the bullpen. I’m shameless.

Regardless of all the nonsense, Fenway is a historical landmark and a unique sports experience. Having taken in the luxury and splendor of the new Yankee Stadium last season, it was interesting to visit Fenway, arguably on the opposite end of the baseball field spectrum. There’s something very cool about an almost hundred-year-old ballpark in the middle of a big city, and I’m glad I got to experience a game there, especially one as high-profile as Red Sox vs. Yankees.

separated at birth?

comparison

I present to you Yukon Cornelius and Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis, who I’m fairly certain came from the same womb.

of course.

Yankees

On Sunday, I went into the city with a bunch of people for the Yankees/Angels game. I was really excited because it was my first Yankees game, as well as my first MLB game, plus I got to see the new stadium. It was overcast as we left Poughkeepsie, but as our train got farther south, it started to rain, and when we arrived in Harlem, it was pouring. The game was called an hour after its scheduled start time. I was disappointed, but I still got to see the stadium, and I still get to see another game within a year since ours was rained out.

39-0 : )

Congratulations to the UConn Women’s Basketball team for their 6th NCAA championship last night, making them the first team in Division 1 history (both men and women) to go undefeated and win each of its games by 10 points or more. I couldn’t be prouder to share an exit on 84 with you : )

this is pitiful.

From the Poughkeepsie Journal:

Watching its 15-point lead in Thursday’s second half evaporate, the men’s basketball team from Marist College lost to visiting Siena, 91-85 in overtime, as the Saints remained undefeated in Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference play.

Ouch. I’m almost thankful this game happened over break so we all weren’t there to witness this.

there’s no crying in baseball. or football.

Looking ahead to this weekend’s NFL playoffs, I can’t help but be underwhelmed. Yes, the Patriots were unceremoniously booted from the playoffs two weeks ago (thanks for nothing, Brett Favre!) but I’m not going to sit here and wax poetic on what could have been. Surveying my playoff options, I put my support behind the Chargers because I liked them ever since the Pats played them in the AFC Championship last year. Thanks to LaDainian Tomlinson and his injured groin, and Philip Rivers playing like it was his first game, my fill-in team got eliminated on Sunday.

So now I’m back where I usually am: generally apathetic about the Super Bowl, more interested in the commercials than the actual game. It’s much different from last year, when I spent all day preparing for a Super Bowl party/inter-house battle, half of my friends being Giants fans, the rest of us Patriots supporters. As I’m sure most of America remembers, the Patriots lost by three points and I lost control of myself. Probably because I was seriously overtired and probably because I hate losing anything, even a game of Monopoly, I started crying. Sports rarely move me to tears, but in that instant, when the Giants fans in the room were going absolutely crazy, I was just devastated. Monday morning was even worse when I had to commute into Manhattan and see people wearing Giants apparel on every street corner.

Is there some sweet karmic justice served with the Giants being so soundly beaten by the Eagles? Uh, yes. I heard one sports analyst predicting it would be a Manning vs. Manning Super Bowl, but right now, it looks like the only thing Peyton and Eli will be playing in is the Double Stuf Racing League.